Wasn't sure whether to give it one star out of ten, or ten stars for the films pure lack of any sort of slot to fit it in to. For one thing- the soft porn style sets are not your imagination, the director, David DeCoteau not only makes gay porn- he also directs CHILDREN'S films. And uses the same sets.. makes me uncomfortable knowing children's films are also done by this same guy, under an alias company name "1313" on IMDb. Thanks Nathan Rabin, I KNEW it. You just confirmed my fears.

Soft porn music, lighting, sets... the crappiest special effects for the talking cat ever. Picture a photo shopped-style moving black "mouth shape" for the poor cats mouth- and a drunken sounding Eric Roberts as the cat's voice. The cat is neither cute, nor cuddly- the film does not use the cat pictured on the film's ad poster.

The film totally reminded me of "The Room" in it's weirdly quiet way. I was waiting for a character to waltz in and casually mention "didn't you hear? I have cancer.. Bye!" A million dollar budget?? Why? How? I wonder if some of their budget went to "hush money" to the child actors' parents. Wouldn't surprise me! This is one of those "you've GOT to WATCH this" films.

This film was shot in much the same fashion as Santa's Summerhome as it was made by the same people. This one does feature more locations than that film and has more establishing shots than probably any other movie in existence. It also features a cat that does not talk too much, but when it does it sounds like Eric Roberts who was doing the voice was in a box inside a bathroom and they were recording him just outside the door. Just a lot of pointless stuff going on as the plot is not really there and the characters are not really likable or distinct other than great value brand Rodney Dangerfield.

The story has a cat that roams outside and wants to help humans for some reason and talks like the most disinterested and most inebriated person ever. I guess that statement can be totally accurate as it is Eric Roberts. A father who looks well into his 60's and his teenage son are hanging out at their mansion. Poor father just retired and seems hopelessly lost while the son is a dork who cannot swim despite having a luxurious pool at the mansion. He is also tutoring a girl who stops short of taking her panties off and giving them to the boy, but he so awkward. Then there is a mother who is trying to secure a contract for something, was not sure what she was doing, but she made cheesepuffs and her two children are insufferable and I didn't realize that her daughter and the girl the boy were tutoring were two different people till the end of the film. Oh, the cat tries to get everyone together or something.

The film is abysmal to the highest degree. It constantly pads the film with shots of the beach, the woods and the sky. Then it will show a car driving through multiple scenes and then back to a shot of the beach then outside the house, it is very irritating! Why show a shot of the beach, when it is not going to be used in any scenes with the characters interacting?

So, not a good film and you will be grateful when the credits roll, only the movie doesn't stop, it keeps showing you scenes even after we should be done and getting on with our lives. Not sure which one is worse though, this or Santa's Summer Home. I am kind of leaning towards this one because at least we didn't have Eric Roberts do drunken line reads in Summer Home and we got a few actors of note in that one, not good actors mind you, but you knew who they were. The best they could do her was a voice over. And what a lifeless voice over it is too!

Well, sure, I didn't really have much of any high hopes for this 2013 movie titled "A Talking Cat!?!". Why? Well, the movie's synopsis didn't really sell the movie all that well, and it seemed to be a questionable movie at best, and truth be told, having Eric Roberts as the voice of the talking cat wasn't really selling the movie.

But still, as I hadn't already seen the movie, I sat down to watch the 2013 movie from writer Andrew Helm and director David DeCoteau (credited as Mary Crawford!).

And this movie was bad alright, mark my words.

First of all, the storyline seemed like something that was written by a middle school student for a class act to be performed in front of an auditorium full of hopeful parents. Yeah, the storyline wasn't exactly riveting, nor particularly entertaining.

And to make matters worse, the cat shown on the movie's cover wasn't even the cat that was in the movie. The cat on the movie's cover/poster is an adorable and cute kitten, while the cat in the actual movie was more of a chunky adult cat - still cute though, as it is a cat. And to top it all off, Eric Roberts delivered the lines for Duffy the cat with as much gusto and enthusiasm as an inmate on Death Row. I was imagining Eric Roberts at the microphone with a 12 pack of beer in one hand and the script in the other. For all the people that they could have picked from, they chose that guy?

Well, the horror doesn't end there. And by that I mean the atrociously bad animated mouth they put on the cat when it delivered Eric Roberts' flat and monotonous dialogue. It was so fake and seemed like something taken out of a "South Park" episode. It was horrible to witness and such an eyesore.

"A Talking Cat!?!" is a movie that you shouldn't bother spending your time or effort on. Some of us suffered through the ordeal so you don't have to. Believe you me.

My rating of this 2013 abysmal movie settles on a generous two out of ten stars.