...says Lucy Liu about her role in this film. When one of your two leads is willing to say, on the record, that they haven't got a clue what the film in which they are starring is about or the motivation of their character is, you know you are in trouble.

Ultimately, this film's big sin is that it is so incoherent and completely lacking in motivation for the characters or backstory that it is boring. And cool slow motion flips through the air Matrix style and explosions - lots of them - are not going to change that. I have no idea what the background is between the two adversaries, no idea what makes the bad guy a villain, and no idea how they can spin this into a warm family drama, which they attempt to do at the end, I am just supposed to forget about all of those charred bodies left behind in Vancouver.

The director of this film goes by "Kaos". And somebody actually let him direct another film after this bomb. Granted, it was ten years later, but he got a second chance. I guess I could say to look at the video game of the same name for some guidance concerning the plot, but it is nothing like this film. Except for all of the loud noises, recommended as a substitute for Sominex.

When I say "Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever" was incredible, I don't mean that in a good way. All the main characters are current or former US federal agents, presumably to keep it interesting, but all the action takes places in Vancouver, BC, which, last time I looked, was not in the United States. The basic storyline was fairly straightforward (and rather hackneyed),but the motivations of the various characters were utterly incomprehensible. The film was somewhat on the short side, and I couldn't escape the feeling that the three scenes which might have tied together the loose ends inexplicably ended up on the cutting room floor. Banderas phoned in his performance (for God's sake, enunciate, man),and the musical score was just irritating. The only two things "Ballistic" had going for it were the presence of some rarely-seen hardware (fun for you firearms buffs) and some spectacular action sequences (though these were plagued by some annoying clichés, such as a protective vest preventing all injury to a character, and henchmen showing complete disregard for personal safety),and these were simply not enough to save this turkey. Avoid.

"Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever" is not just a dumb title for a film, it's also a really, really dumb film. It's the sort of horribly written film chock full of non-stop action that seems to be written for folks who found the Rambo films too intellectually taxing. One stunt after another after another after--all strung together with conspiracy film clichés--that, in a nutshell, is this film.

The film starts with the jaded FBI agent (Antonio Banderas--who seems half asleep in this role) being forced to rejoin....oh never mind, you know how this crappy clichés will go. And ultimately, he'll be force to join his old nemesis, the super-dangerous Lucy Liu (!!) to fight the powers of not-niceness that threaten to control the destiny of the Free World. And so, to do this, they punch and kick, blow up stuff and kill. This is punctuated by kidnappings, mayhem and conspiracies--none of which seem anything more than plot devices.

Overall, not a lot to provide interest to anyone--even stupid people. Silly--just the sort of action film you might expect Jethro Bodine to make--if he was real and had his uncle's millions to finance this dud. I could imagine him directing this thing and shouting "Hoo-Wee--we gots lots of double-naught spies!!".