Want to see "bigfoot" watch someone fish, a lady pee, and play with a halloween mask of a clown? Then this is the movie for you and I would also suggest therapy.

The film was written, produced, edited, directed, costumes, wardrobe, casting, acted, and location manager by Erick Wofford. It starts out as a faux grindhouse with grainy film. The production consisted of a guy in a costume which looked like a deformed human, scavenging the woods outside of Hampton, Georgia. The "bride" part comes into play in the final scenes. Nothing about the film was good. Acting was bad, no real plot or characters.

Guide: F-word. No sex or nudity.

Every now and again (translation: more often than I ought to...),I'll watch a horror movie just to see if it could possibly be as bad as I think that it's going to be. "Bigfoot's Bride" is just such a movie, and it did not disappoint. It was every bit as bad as I had anticipated, and then some.

The movie begins with a father and his adult son camped out in the woods, preparing to go hunting. The son is already awake, and is waiting for his father, who has overslept, to emerge from his tent. It is broad daylight at this point. As a matter of fact, you can tell by the angle of the shadows and sunlight that the sun has been up for awhile. The father finally emerges, and the son tells him that they need to get a move on to get to their respective hunting spots before sun-up.

Before sun-up? It's already broad daylight out.

Father and son gear up and go out to hunt. The son is in a tree stand, and the father hides in a thicket. All of a sudden, there is a mysterious electronic static and distortion over their walkie talkies, and an electronically distorted voice tells them to "get out". As they ponder this mystery, "Bigfoot" shows up and kills the father, and then the son.

We then cut to a man flyfishing in a shallow river. It is here that we first get a clear look at the creature. Apparently, Bigfoot looks like the Toxic Avenger wearing an old fur coat crossed with a Gillie suit, and blue jeans. In addition to this, Bigfoot is capable of human speech, and talks with electronically augmented tones. The creature is catching fish in the same river as the fly fisherman, and catches sight of it's own reflection. It laments it's grotesque appearance, and calls itself hideous. The creature then sees a cheap plastic clown mask, puts it on, and describes itself as beautiful... because, you know, one can almost always find an errant clown mask or two laying about in the woods.

Bigfoot then expires an attractive young woman in the woods by herself. She is arguing with her boyfriend, upset with him because he went off in his own. She doesn't know where he is, isn't sure where she is, so she does what any reasonable person would do under those circumstances; she has a conniption fit and smashes her phone. Wilderness survival craft at it's very best!

Bigfoot watches her from the woods, and the young woman drops trou to urinate. Bigfoot sneaks up behind her, and sticks it's hand underneath her, so that she can pee on it's hand. Yes, that's right. She pees on Bigfoot's hand, and he sniffs it. Even though Bigfoot is laying on the ground directly behind her, close enough for her to pee on it's hand, she turns around and somehow doesn't see the creature.

Bigfoot becomes smitten with the woman, and tries to come up with ideas as to how it might get close to her. As it watches, the woman, despondent over her situation with her boyfriend, produces a revolver and contemplates suicide. Bigfoot watches from a distance, shaking it's head. It holds out it's hand... and has somehow come by a wedding ring? Yes. Bigfoot carries around wedding rings. The woman, oblivious to the enamored beast, changes her mind and puts the revolver away.

Bigfoot ambles away and comes across a campsite with two men in a pop-up camper. Bigfoot finds a partial can of beer and downs it. Then, the creature steps on an ember, burns it's foot, and decides the these two men are responsible for it's pain. It tells the men, in it's electronically modulated voice, that it can smell them in the camper, and that it can smell them. It's going to eat them. Bigfoot kills the men in a special effects gore fest worthy of an elementary school play. It even curses at the second man as it's killing him. "F--k you!" Bigfoot exclaims as it disembowels the man.

I have seen some extremely bad, extremely stupid movies, and I honestly did not think that I would see anything worse than the likes of "Midnight Macabre", "Dark Attachment", "White Fangs", or anything that the Polonia Brothers have made. I was wrong. "Bigfoot's Bride" tops them all, and by a wide, wide margin. This is hands down THE worst movie that I have ever seen, bar none. I expected this movie to absolutely suck, and it did not disappoint in that regard.

At some point, Bigfoot works up the nerve to approach the love of his life. He presents her with the wedding ring, and says, "Be mine." She freaks out and flees, and Bigfoot chases her. He traps her in her tent and tries to mate with her. She kicks him in the gonads, and he rips her tongue out. A nearby Good Samaritan with a shotgun comes to help, and accidentally shoots and kills the woman.

Bigfoot bursts from the tent, and the Samaritan shoots and wounds it, driving it away. The Samaritan trails Bigfoot to a garage in the woods, where it is holding two women captive. It has impregnated one, and ripped her tongue out because she wouldn't stop screaming. The Samaritan sets her free, and then frees the other woman, who appears to be unharmed. Bigfoot shows up and the Samaritan shoots it several times with the shotgun. The Samaritan and this woman flee. Of course, Bigfoot isn't dead. It hunts them.both down and kills them with an ax.

We cut to the pregnant woman, who is also trying to flee. She starts bleeding. And stumbles into a river. Bigfoot follows her, and in it's electronically modulated tones begs her. "Stop! Please! Don't leave me!" Why would she leave? The creature only ripped her tongue out and raped her.

The pregnant woman escapes, but ends up giving birth to a baby Bigfoot, which claws it's way out of her uterus. The End.

Stupidest. Movie. EVER.