Its hard to find a movie that is both so much fun to watch while being so terrible. The best part about Blood Dolls is that it sets out to be terrible and hilariously terrible at that. Our hero in this story is Virgil who, when you look past his racist dolls, desire to take over the world and utter hatred for all other beings, is just a guy like the rest of us. Lonly and looking for someone to share his time with. This movie has two things going for it, above about a million other things granted but two really important things. One, it has a cage full of Goth Rock chicks that have to play on command, urged to do so by Phil Fondacaro (Vonhkar from willow). The second thing this movie has is Mr. Mascaro. I swear to god this character is about the coolest thing that has graced the silver screen since Herbert West. If i were to go into why Mascaro was so cool i'd definitely go over the 1000 word max. The most important thing about this movie is that it tries to be part of the killer doll genre of horror movies and yet the killer dolls in this film take a back seat to every other amazing character that steps on screen. Not that the dolls aren't cool but trust me, you'll couldn't possibly care less about them or who they are killing at the moment because all you'll be thinking about is What insane thing Virgil or Mascaro is about to say next.

Well, granted, as I sat down in 2021 to watch the 1999 movie "Blood Dolls" from Full Moon Entertainment, I pretty much had an idea of what I was in for here, as I have seen most of the movies in the "Puppet Master" series.

And true enough, the 1999 "Blood Dolls" definitely was fitting right into that particular genre. So if you enjoyed the "Puppet Master" movies, then you will also enjoy "Blood Dolls".

The storyline in "Blood Dolls" was entertaining enough. It wasn't exactly rocket science here and it was a pretty straight forward storyline that really didn't offer much of any surprises or ups and downs along the way really. And that was something that essentially made the movie seem mediocre.

The acting in the movie was adequate, taking into consideration the type of movie that it is. It was fun to watch Naomi McClure in the movie, just a shame that she didn't have a bigger role though.

Visually then "Blood Dolls" is definitely fun to watch. Sure, the effects are not ones that have aged gracefully, but they are still watchable today, 22 years later. Sure, it is not special effects that will knock you backwards, but they were adequate enough, albeit a bit wobbly.

If you are expecting a proper horror movie when you sit down to watch something like "Blood Dolls", then you are in for somewhat of a surprise. While listed as a horror comedy, the elements of both these genres are few and far in between.

For better or worse, then this 1999 movie is an archetypical Charles Band movie. Trust me; once you've seen one of the "Puppet Master" movies you will know what "Blood Dolls" is going to be like.

My rating of Charles Band's "Blood Dolls" lands on a mediocre five out of ten stars.

Blood Dolls starts as eccentric billionaire computer developer businessman Virgil Travis (Jack Maturin) discovers he has lost a billion dollars after losing a legal battle leaving him financially ruined, obviously not best pleased about losing a billion dollars he sets out to kill his competitors who made it happen as well as the corrupt judge. In his spare time Virgil has also created horrible little killer dolls to do his bidding, first George Warbeck (Nicholas Worth) & Mercy Shaw (Jodie Coady) are taken care off then Virgil turns his attentions to Harrison Yulin (Warren Draper) & his scheming wife Moira (Debra Mayer) who just happens to be a dominatrix... Has Virgil met his match at last?

Written, produced & directed by Charles Band & made under his Full Moon company this is yet another killer toy flick one maybe cynically would suggest is more interested in starting a new line of collectible toys than entertaining. Band has experience in the killer toy genre, Dolls (1987) & Puppet Master (1989) & it's sequels, unfortunately Blood Dolls is terrible in pretty much every way. The story is absolutely none existent, seriously there is no story to speak of or worth mentioning at all. It's just a few random scenes cobbled together more than a coherent film. There are some really bizarre things in Blood Dolls, for instance a four girl rock band who Virgil keeps locked in a cage & has them perform songs at regular intervals for no apparent reason. The fact that Virgil has an extremely small head, there's absolutely no reason for it & it looks stupid but it's here anyway. The fact that Virgil's servants consist of a guy in clown make-up & a dwarf add another unusual spin on proceedings without ever making any sense in their own right. Then there's the fact that Moira is a dominatrix, the film comes alive when she goes into mistress mode & abuses her husband & her scenes are the only reason I'm giving Blood Dolls 3 stars instead of 1. Unfortunately her dominatrix scenes are few & far between & once her husband is killed off she becomes 'normal' as it were & the film then dies a slow painful death. There's also a pointless double ending like in Clue (1985) where one thing happens & then an alternative it could have also happened like this ending is shown which just makes the whole film even more pointless.

Director Band was obviously working on a low budget, the doll effects are poor & they have little movement. There's hardly any blood or gore, someone gets bashed over the head with a lifting weight, someone gets a scalpel in the eye, a guy is killed when wires dig into his flesh & a drill burrows into someones chest with lots of blood splatter. Otherwise this is virtually bloodless. There's nothing here scary, there's no atmosphere or tension & the story sucks. Apart from a few fun scenes with Moira as a dominatrix Blood Dolls has nothing going for it & is utterly forgettable. Even the dolls themselves are bland & look cheap, none of them stand out as being 'cool' or particularly threatening.

Technically the film is basic, it appears to be shot in the same few rooms & the special effects consist of nothing more than a few plastic dolls moving their arms & heads. Every so often the rock group perform a song, they can't sing & all I can say is thank god for the mute button! The acting is OK, dominatrix Debra Mayer steals every scene shes in.

Blood Dolls is a cheap, poor, plot less attempt at starting another killer toy franchise by Charles Band, do yourself a big favour & watch Puppet Master, Dolls or Child's Play (1988) again instead. Apart from Mayer's dominatrix scenes this is pretty damned bad & as far as I'm concerned has nothing going for it.