Dylan: "I can't believe you committed suicide. I cannot believe you committed suicide. How could you have done this? How could you have committed suicide?"

Yes, that's the dialogue in "Fateful Findings" and it truly is something special. Just like "The Room", this is one of those films you have to see to believe. It truly is the best mistake that has ever happened to cinema. But it would be so easy for me to say this movie is bad, but that would just be too boring and predicable. Yes, I know this movie is not good at all... it's freaking amazing. A masterpiece, is what I call it.

I only chuckled a few times while watching "The Room" and "Birdemic", but watching this almost had me in tears. I can't remember the last time I laughed this hard at a movie that's suppose to be taken seriously or I think it was. There was never a moment in this movie that I thought dragged. Every scene in this movie was like poetry, it rhymes. This was a magical experience that will never be topped by any movie.

The editing and the audio is what really makes this movie. Confusing cuts that jumps to the next scene unexpectedly and the awkward moments where you clearly see the actors silently waiting for someone to shout "cut", to end the scene. I mean, anyone can edit and improve the audio for this movie, but then again, it's what makes this movie a hidden charm.

Don't get me started on the acting in this movie, as it was truly Oscar worthy. This is the kind of acting you'll see on a porno but with more story and depth. Tommy Wiseau is like Brando compared to Neil Breen acting, but you see, that's the hidden genius of Neil Breen, as he's comedic timing was better than Wiseau and just the acting alone is so convincing. Watch this clip and tell you don't feel the pain in his eyes & voice.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=aKRDVbTKi_I

Overall: "Fateful Findings" is a masterpiece. It's spiritual, engaging, emotional, and just a true poem of storytelling. If you haven't seen this yet, please do, you won't be disappointed.

Awful movies exist everywhere. Each one is released under different circumstances. Some are produced to intentionally be bad, while other times they just come across bad, but never wanted to be interpreted that way. The ones that are purposefully made to be horrible are made by filmmakers and studios who are just looking to make a cheap cash-in no matter how terrible the end result is. The best example many people might think of, that comes close to those descriptions would be either The Asylum or Uwe Boll. And then there are people like Tommy Wiseau or the man who made this movie, Neil Breen. It may be hard to believe but these two guys have a lot in common when it comes to how much they think they are a gift to the world. Both have a never ending ego that propels them to continue making their movies no matter what others say. They truly think their work is a high art that is at the same level as many of the other critically acclaimed films that have been released. Or so they think. As bad as this is, it is worth it.

Crediting himself to almost every single film crew position available, Neil Breen has taken on more roles than other thespian in existence. This is also probably why his film makes practically no sense. Neil Breen plays Dylan, a man who once found the love of his life before he hit his teens. Together, he and his then love Leah (Jennifer Autry) discover a magic token. Skip decades later and Dylan still holds this thing dear to him. Even after getting into a serious car accident. His current girlfriend Emily (Klara Landrat) is a struggling drug addict and a neighboring family is having their own strained relationships next door. Jim (David Silva) and Amy (Victoria Vivieros) have differing motives. Amy wants to relax because her job is hard and Jim wants to fornicate, mostly because he's always drunk. Plus Amy's stepdaughter Aly (Danielle Andrade) has to deal with their bickering. All the while Dylan has found a way of hacking into corporate systems that contain secrets and suffering from paranormal headaches.

Everything is about as fragmented as it gets. The writing is like trying to put a square peg into a round hole. It just doesn't work. What Breen did here was try to make a movie that have every single genre in its story. As a result, the play out is generic and feels alien. There are several unfinished subplots mainly because nothing is done with them to begin with. Throughout the running time there's a character in black that goes around walking from place to place and it is never revealed who they are, what they want, what they represent, etc. The subplots themselves don't exactly fit together either in any smooth way. The Jim and Amy couple argue to no end, but have no impact on Dylan or Emily in development. So why bother including them? Also the stepdaughter has a sequence where she waltzes into Dylan's house naked to arouse him, only to be sent away by Dylan. And the significance of this scene was? If it's not going to go anywhere, why include it in the script? Breen's storytelling is like a maze.

Later on Dylan meets Leah again all grown up but for the most contrived reason, being that one had written in a notebook way back and held onto it for years. Really? Let's not forget the acting from the cast or the dialog to boot. Wow is this treasure trove of people who are not invested in the project they are making. Everyone from the top down can't deliver a line in any form that sounds natural or believable. What probably aided the deliveries to be so bad was due to how bad the lines are written. Some conversations don't even relate to one another, making the association incoherent. There are only a few redeeming qualities to this horrendous film. Of the cast, the only actor who stands out is Neil Breen and not because he's the best actor. Far from it. What makes his performance so amazing is because of how he has control over this whole thing, stars in it and can't even be a leading man. No emotion is put into his lines; everything is monotone. And this guy thinks he is making mainstream movies? What a laugh.

And that's by far the strongest highlight. It is because of Breen's emotionally void showing is what makes this viewing experience so funny. The main genre this film takes place in is a fantasy, science fiction thriller. Yet comes off like a comedy because of Breen. And this isn't his only stinker. Breen made two other films before this and basically gave the same kind of product. The two films were Double Down (2005) and I Am Here...Now (2009). The next best thing to Breen's acting is the cinematography handled by John Mastrogiacomo. Mastrogiacomo also has one other credit, which was to Breen's I Am Here...Now (2009). For what it's worth Mastrogiacomo gets some pretty background shots of the desert. Much of that is clear and vivid in its display. Interior shots are mostly okay but could use some improvement. The music was also adequate but that's probably because the music was just stock audio. There's no way Breen was a music director like he so proudly credits himself at the end. Yeah OK.

Recommendation wise, if you don't like indie or amateur films in general stay away. But if you're interested in seeing how unbelievable a guy like Neil Breen can be, now's the time. The camera-work and music might be okay, but don't expect anything else to tell an understandable story whatsoever. The actors don't even know what they're doing in it.

Neil Breen is a beloved filmmaker due to the unbelievably low quality of his movies. Almost every aspect of this film is just wrong, and not intentionally so. It's absurd and surreal by accident. A lot of what David Lynch would do on purpose, Breen does incidentally. And it's truly a spectacle to behold. This has so many of the best Breen moments. Some of this dialogue is beyond exquisite, and the performances are like straight up insane. Almost all of the actors are turning in performances that are what would happen if humans tried to make a movie by aliens about humans. And seeing the not-particularly-attractive fiftysomething Neil Breen caress a couple of gorgeous, decades-younger women is amusingly awkward and cringe inducing.