The dictionary defines 'Gigantic' as 'Giant-like in size or stature.' So this film's title is presumably ironic - if any one movie could be described as an Anti-epic, it's Gigantic, the kind of mumbling, lank-haired, achingly self-conscious indie rom-com that gives mumbling, lank-haired, achingly self-conscious indie rom-coms a bad name.

Gigantic is like prima facie evidence for non-believers: 'this is why indie films suck. Nothing makes sense. The plots are in-jokes. The in-jokes lack punchlines. The romantic leads are repellent oddballs who speak in stilted voices.' Here, they come in the executive producer-friendly shape of Zooey Deschanel - truly, the Katy Perry of Indiewood, and Bud Cort-alike Paul Dano, the pale and interesting girl's poster boy of choice. They're kooky! And altogether ooky.

Did we mention that the title was ironic? A little shuffling weed of a movie Gigantic may be, but it does deal in giant-sized subjects: first love; starting a family; being forcibly chucked in at the deep end of maturity. Stuff which, in accordance with indie practice, is subject to the usual arch detachments. But by obtusely refusing to even paddle in the emotional or dramatic depths, Gigantic renders itself utterly insipid and almost totally pointless. Irony is a sweet poison. It must be handled with care.

Paul Dano is Brian, a cow-eyed shoe-gazer from a family of high achievers. He flogs high-end mattresses from a New York warehouse showroom resembling the gritty unit HQ from 'The Wire' - so much so, there's even Clarke Peters (The Wire's Lester Freamon) flopping out in the corner. Has the Curse Of The Wire struck again? After Dominic West in 'Hannibal Rising', short-lister for Worst Film of 2007, and Idris Elba in 'Obsessed', contender for Worst Film of the Decade, the evidence is mounting up.

Into this nest of slackers drops John Goodman's larger-than-life exec Al Lolly, who is looking for a quality mattress to fix his chronic back problem. Al sends his Bambi-eyed virginal daughter Harriet (Zooey Deschanel) along afterwards to settle up. Brian gets it on with Harry - or 'Happy' (yeah it's ironic). Brian reveals he's been trying to adopt a Chinese baby since he was 8-years-old. Happy gets cold feet and bails out - the most realistic move she's made so far, given that this is a virgin who potters round her dad's house in a modified bunny girl outfit, answers the door in a dressing gown that barely covers her assets, and strong-arms this Mogadon-magnet into the back seat of her daddy's car with the artless phrase "Do you have any interest in having sex with me?" after five minutes of meeting. Can a certain two-foot high Deus ex Machina reunite them? And will Brian ever shrug off that psychotic Gilliam-esquire hobo who's been stalking and knocking the jenny out of him for no good reason from the start?

"This has been going on for a long time" groans Brian, following another beating from that clearly imaginary, ferociously metaphorical homeless guy. Viewers may feel like blurting out the same in the face of a movie so tiresomely quirky and exasperatingly aloof that at a modest 98 minutes feels three times the length.

Gigantic wants to be a Sundance movie so badly it hurts. Unfortunately, the absence of silly bourgeois trifles like heart, charm, or even wit, prevents its elevation to the status of a 'Secretary', 'Juno' or 'Little Miss Sunshine.' The latter's Dano, one of the most fearless young actors working today (let alone 'There Will Be Blood', check out 2001's 'L.I.E.' for some early, brilliant promise) is essentially muzzled here, as Deschanel competes for the distinction of most catatonic cat.

When Jane Alexander, playing Brian's mum, finally shows up at the end to talk some sense into Happy, it's like a jet of cool, cleansing water blasting away all that obfuscating mud. Yet almost it spite of itself, the film does articulate certain contemporary truths: in Gigantic world, sex is snatched at by adults with the psychological makeup of children; while parents are leading infinitely more fascinating lives than their offspring. The great Ed Asner and John Goodman, playing Brian and Happy's dads respectively, tear up the screen every time they appear, whether hunting for magic mushroom or hawking up their own brain tumours by willpower alone. They're not remotely realistic either, but at least they're better value than the leads, numbed by life. Those two review stars are for Asner and Goodman - one each. But it's two more stars than the film deserves.

Want a fantastic, unselfconsciously quirky indie rom-com about emotionally blunted, poor little rich kids finally facing up to life? Try 'Harold And Maude.' Gigantic needs overhauling from the direction down.

Brian Weathersby (Paul Dano) sells insanely high price mattresses in NYC. It's an indie of his life with all kinds of random quirky characters. Happy Lolly (Zooey Deschanel) is the daughter of Al (John Goodman) who purchased a mattress for $14k. He wants to adopt a Chinese baby. She's flaky. They hit it off.

This is filled with great actors I love. They seem to be doing good work. I should like this, but the story is a series of meandering scenes that drives aimlessly. They crawl along without any sense of drama. It's a battle of the quirky characters, and nobody really wins in this.

Greetings again from the darkness. I thrive on indie films and am always anxious when a first time director manages to break through the politics and red tape and gain distribution for his/her pet project. The debut from Matt Aselton is far from perfect, but certainly provides high expectations for his next film.

Blessed with a terrific cast including Paul Dano (Little Miss Sunshine, There Will Be Blood),indie favorite Zooey Deschanel, John Goodman, and veterans Ed Asner and Jane Alexander; Aselton creates some odd characters that somehow connect not only to each other, but also to the viewing audience.

The film does sometimes suffer from the mistake of many first time filmmakers ... inclusion of scenes that have always been in the mind of the writer/director, but just don't quite fit in the context of the film. The brutal attacks/images by the homeless guy (played by comedian Zach Galifianakis) and the massage parlor scene are two that jump to mind.

On the other hand, and more importantly, there are a few scenes that are remarkable and really provide hope for Aselton's next film: When Zooey first awakens from her nap in the store, she and Dano have an exchange that sets the stage for their relationship; the family dinner without Zooey; John Goodman on his kitchen floor and at the doctor; Jane Alexander on the balcony with Zooey proves what an effective and elegant actress Ms. Alexander remains as she is the first one to connect with Zooey on an adult level. These all result from the creative mind an eye of Mr. Aselton and have set the bar high for his next outing.