Heading to a ski resort, a champion cross-country skiing team and the instructors on staff find the area overrun by gigantic spiders from a military experiment nearby and try to save their guests from the deadly, mutated creatures.

Frankly, this here was quite the fun creature feature. What really helps this one here is the high-quality amount of cheesy action featured which runs pretty consistently in here, from the film's central premise of bringing spiders into the freezing environment depicted. The scenes of the creatures out in the snow, as the opening attack on the hunters out in the snowy wilderness, is quite fun for seeing the sight of a spider hunting in the middle of the woods makes for a remarkably cheesy time while setting up the rest pf he action here. The fun times of them stalking the straggle skiers out on the slops or he searching out in the cobwebs covered woods where they come across the cocooned bodies and are then chased around by the creature for some really enjoyable times, as well as offering the set-up for the first of several big action scenes with the spiders in here. There's plenty of fun action with the soldiers in the facility trying to take out the spiders only to be completely wiped out by the surprise ambushes dragging them away while being imperious to gunfire and their other tactics which fail to stop them, and there's the really big fun of the attack on the resort here which is the definite highlight piece of the film. Starting with the early attacks on the skiers out on the lift and going through the rather fun swarming done on the guests leading to the race to get inside and barricade as well as the skiers attempt to get to safety inside the bus this one has plenty of highly enjoyable action in this sequence before the real fun of the creatures breaking through the resort for a fine scene overall. Even the finale offers plenty of fun with the race down the slopes into the trap where they finally defeat the creatures in rather unique methods. As ell as the fact that all of this action doles out some bloody kills, these here are the positive points to hold out over the negatives. The biggest factor here is the usually atrocious CGI featured throughout here, which is among the absolute worst done in the genre here with a never-ending assortment of spider-like blobs hurled across the screen that come off utterly laughable and never once features anything remotely spider-ish about the creatures as there's the new-found feature of a glossy-glass-like appearance which no real spider displays along with the other features here of special chances, interacting failures and unconvincing notions that run rampant throughout the film. As well, there's also the fact that there's no real purpose here why they're trying to capture it again for their studies as that continually puts them at risk because of the clichéd motives of creating them for creating them which is wholly ridiculous and doesn't make sense. These here are the film's flaws.

Rated R: Graphic Violence and Graphic Language.

And, if you don't mind my saying so, I've been around. I've seen the legendary "Plan 9 From Outer Space," as well as a whole host of network TV films ("Locusts," "Vampire Bats," "Category 6," "Category 7," "Fatal Contact," whatever the sequel to "10.5" was called) and I stand here before you today to say that cable proves that you don't have to be a venerable broadcast giant to really, really stink.

The plot of the movie is that some government scientists engineer giant spiders in order to harvest their silk for Department of Defense purposes. The only problem is that one of the scientists tampers with the experiment, the spiders get out, and it's up to a fleet of B-actors to stop them or flap on the ground in a spot where a giant spider will later be edited in killing them trying.

This movie enters a qualitative threshold that I did not know could exist. You see, once a film reaches a certain level of "awful," the people involved start to notice (as evidenced by the tongue-in-cheek extra-low budget Adult Swim shows "Saul of the Mole Men" and "Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job"). Somehow, the cast of Ice Spiders was unaware of the lousiness of the film they were making. The only kind of television I've ever seen in my life - which has probably been shortened substantially by the cumulative doses of TV movies I've had over the years - that could rival "Ice Spiders" for quality are commercials made by regional furniture dealerships. Speaking of commercials, kudos to Orkin for their advertising during the world premier of this "film." The computer effects appear to have been designed with software from the 1980s, the acting is beyond awful - and I mean that seriously; some of this comes off like the actors were cold-reading the script - and the overall premise defies description. Thank God I taped it, because somehow I just know that this film can only be enhanced by VHS static lines.

There's a ski resort far far away from civilization, yet there's a nice little city within viewing distance of the facility. Also next to the resort is a secret government research laboratory that studies spiders, giant spiders at that. The spiders escape... didn't see that one coming.

Anyways, if you pull the fire alarm in this so-called laboratory, a squad of shirtless idiots with m-16's come charging in looking for something to shoot. Some bimbo girl dressed like she's in a winter clothing catalog is the "doctor" in charge of the research and tries to call the shots. Instead we end up listening to some cocky guy with silly eyeglasses and a lab-coat on as he tries to capture the spiders as opposed to killing them. The spiders were smart though. Instead of listening to the horrible dialog going on at the lab set, they go and join the ski resort patrons next door for some snow packed action. They pull off some awesome jumps, tricks, etc. I think the spiders were actually better than the "olympic trainees" working on their skills. Anyways, the spiders squeal with delight, eat people, then ski some more.

I'm not really sure of what else to say about this near-fatal blow to the human IQ. A lot of the dialog was hard to tolerate as it was just flat out awful. All of the characters were undeveloped, clichéd, and brought a whole new meaning to being stupid. None-the-less, the spiders on ice action was hysterical in a sad way. Me and my friend enjoyed ripping on this movie all the way through.

If you can tolerate horrible dialog for some hilarious "creature violence," this film may be worth laughing at. Otherwise, I think it'd be best to avoid it at all costs.