Apparently Jess Franco didn't think that Joe D'Amato's EROTIC NIGHTS OF THE LIVING DEAD was weird and tasteless enough, so he put his own two cents' worth in...

Four oversexed waitresses on holiday spend their vacation in the ugliest-looking hotel in screen history. They must not enjoy the surroundings any more than the audience does because they're soon amusing themselves with exhibitionism, nudity and sexual encounters with the manager and each other. The manager, meanwhile, keeps his skanky wife neck-chained to a wall with food just out of reach, in a situation copied from Franco's own BARBED WIRE DOLLS. Hold on, folks, it gets better! The hotel is next door to a monastery that served as a torture chamber during the Inquisition. Before you know it the sadistic zombie monks are back–-homicidal and horny. One monk's face looks normal; most are skull-faced knock-offs of The Blind Dead; and the leader's face looks like an under-baked pizza. Several murders and two sex attacks by the undead ensue–and leave it to Franco to make the rape of a busty blonde by zombie monks boring. There is a cute twist at the end if you can keep your eyes open that long.

Like most films by this director, MANSION OF THE LIVING DEAD is best watched first thing in the morning after the caffeine has just kicked in.

I watched this movie a couple of years ago; I believe it was in Spanish with no subtitles, but that didn't really matter. What mattered was that it was fantastic! I know 95% of the world's population wouldn't agree with me, but I always had a thing for old sleaze/horror movies which seem to be made just because the director had nothing to do, had had a funny dream he wanted to realize, or that he just needed money.

As for this film, I couldn't understand why the title had anything to do with the action. I only remember some scenes with cloaked individuals walking slowly as though in some kind of procession. And there was a man (Antonio Mayans I believe) talking often to some girls, and there were scenes of various sexual intercourse; although I found the atmosphere in the film very serious and unpretentious.

There is one very interesting scene where a couple of girls are lying on the beach, and suddenly a meat cleaver flies through the air, thrown from a hotel window high above, and lands in the sand just beside them. I was intrigued by that scene, quite intimidating.

Only Franco (Oasis of the zombies) and D'Amato (Porno Holocaust, Erotic nights of the living dead) could make movies with this kind of enchanting atmosphere. A solemn, sombre echo from an era since long lost, which after the forgetful ravages of time still can like the bird of Phoenix rise from the ashes of oblivion to once again let its plumage shine with unprecedented respectability.

I know it's not exact, but I was struck by a moment in this film that recalls Messiah of Evil as a character stans in a hallway and we're struck by just how alone she is in spite of being in a very public place.

It's not a perfect match, but the feeling is right and I'm struck that at times, Jess Franco can render a great horror mood. Other times, he's moving the camera so wildly that you wonder if he's going to ever focus on something happening.

Several waitresses - including Candy Coster, who we all know is Lina Romay in a blonde short wig and love her even more for it - visit an out of season resort hotel, only to find that long-dead monks have come back from the dead, watched a few Amando de Ossorio movies and start luring the women one at a time to the basement where they're assaulted and then murdered to the sound of bells, the wind and an otherworldly song. So yes, pretty much the Blind Dead with dried shaving cream for makeup.

Also, for some reason, Eva León from Blue Eyes of the Broken Doll is chained to a wall by Antonio Mayans and taunted with promises of food.

Somehow, someway, Candy is the reincarnation of the witch who cursed the monks all those years ago and perhaps she's also the one that can free them, except she's kind of busy making out with Lea (Mari Carmen Nieto, The Sexual Story of O) and hiding that fact from their friends Mabel (Mabel Escaño, Wicked Memoirs of Eugenie) and Caty (Elisa Vela, Cries of Pleasure),thinking that they'd be judged, but then those two are also getting down.

Look, Lina gets possessed, goes wild and ends up making out with an evil monk, which releases everyone from their curse and...yeah. Look, this movie is pretty much exactly what I seek out and often I'm using movies as drugs to erase my consciousness, so go in with that knowledge.