I read Mysterious Island as a child many years ago and I remember being fascinated by it. This version might be OK as a family evening to pass the time -- there is no foul language, no nudity, barely a hint of a romantic relationship with one kiss.

However as entertainment for adults it fails on every level. As many have mentioned, the special effects are not special at all, the dialogue is stilted, the acting for most of the cast is charitably mediocre, and the plot elements come across as contrived. And it is long, without good timing.

Apparently the director decided that this timeless classic novel needed a major rewrite to pass muster in the new millennium. Two woman are thrown in as major characters; the younger manages a new wardrobe almost daily, and neither have so much as their hair mussed for more than five minutes, despite fighting off pirates, giant ants, sea monsters and what have you. They manage to build a house inside a nice clean cave with amenities that probably rival those available to a typical country cottage in the 30s. I was almost surprised that they didn't manage a washing machine. Smokeless fires conveniently illuminate the giant cave better than track lighting. Everyone in the main party manages to be fresh scrubbed and well groomed at all times.

The pirates are like the Pirates of the Caribbean at Disneyworld, highly stereotyped caricatures. At least the Pirate Captain is entertainingly bombastic, but realism has definitely been left marooned on the shore somewhere.

Nothing even approaches being frightening, or intriguing. For a movie for those interested in Verne's work or a well told adventure tale, this is a waste of time.

Straight off the bat let me say this is a low 3/10, I'm being generous on this one.

Standing at three hours in length this very very very very very very loose adaptation of the Jules Verne classic Mysterious Island is a sight to behold for all the wrong reasons.

On paper it has everything going for it, it's based on the works of Jules Verne and stars Patrick Stewart, Kyle MacLachlan and Vinnie Jones..........okay forget about that last one.

So what went wrong? Well considering the cast the whole thing looks so very cheap, the cgi is dreadful and many of the costumes look they've been ripped from a run of the mill 5 buck costume shop.

The acting is such that they just don't want to be there, Vinnie Jones is worse than he's ever been. Let's make clear I have nothing against him, I think he has his place in the industry and he was hilarious in Eurotrip (2004) but right here is a performance so bad, so tacky I can't put it into mere words.

And then there is just how loose of an adaptation it is. This simply isn't in anyway shape or form the Mysterious Island, it's hard to even call this an adaptation because the content has been overhauled to such an extent you could easily have called it something else and nobody would have compared it to Jules Vernes work.

It makes you wonder why they bother doing that. Regardless when you take all those things into consideration it's hard to see this as anything but an embarrassment with a cast who look out of place in this travesty.

The Good:

Patrick Stewart

The Bad:

Yet another not even remotely loyal loose adaptation

Vinnie Jones really hams it up

Cast are simply too good for this

Shoddy cgi

First of all, I have to say that this 2005 action adventure movie's cover far over-sells the movie by quite a mile or two. The movie's cover looked very interesting, and thus I opted to sit down and watch this movie from writers Adam Armus and Nora Kay Foster as I stumbled upon it in 2022.

And of course the fact that the movie had a pretty nice cast ensemble also helped to win me over.

And I have to say that "Mysterious Island" from director Russell Mulcahy was watchable enough for what it was. It is a cheesy and campy adventure for the entire family. Complete with insanely dubious CGI and green screen effects, pirates, American Civil War action, gargantuan monsters and swashbuckling. So yeah, "Mysterious Island" had a little bit for everyone. However, don't go getting your hopes up for a grand adventure, because "Mysterious Island" is a movie that you will watch once and then never look at it again.

I have to say that the cast list in "Mysterious Island" was impressive, as it had the likes of Kyle MacLachlan, Patrick Stewart, Omar Gooding, Vinnie Jones, Roy Marsden and Tom Mison on the cast list. So there were quite a handful of good talents and familiar faces here.

The special effects have to be adressed here, because for a 2005 movie, I was astounded at how laughably bad and fake the special effects were. Especially the scene where Cyrus was on top of the scorpion. But the effects in "Mysterious Island" have to be experienced and seen first hand, because talking about how bad they are will do them no justice.

Based on a classic novel from Jules Verne, "Mysterious Island" provided me with adequate entertainment. And as such, then my rating of the 2005 movie lands on a five out of ten stars.