I've seen my share of bad movies and when I read the entertaining reviews of a truly awful film I am amazed that there always seem to be some knucklehead that gives the film a ten rating even though there is no redeeming value whatsoever. The woefully inept Ben & Arthur is a prime example. Now is the time for me to become said knuclehead as R.O.T.O.R. is one of the most entertaining bad movies ever.

Professor/Cop/degreed sci-fi writer Coldyron performed by Richard Gesswein and dubbed with the voice of Loren Bivens (Why? Did he have a British accent?) has created the prototype cop of the inevitably lawless future with the help of man/woman/beast Dr. Steele (Jayne Smith) the only scientist in the world with a skunk mullet. After an accident at the Tactical Operations Lab, which also happens to be the Dallas Hilton, R.O.T.O.R. becomes operational a full twenty five years too early. Somehow he acquires skin and a uniform complete with porn star mustache and desert eagle and begins his tour of duty. When a couple is pulled over for speeding by R.O.T.O.R. he executes the driver causing the passenger Sonya (Margaret Trigg) to flee the scene with the maniacal machine in pursuit. This is the bulk of the movie. Poor Sonya has to drive nonstop for hours on end while Coldyron and Dr. Steele babble in lame pseudo-intellectual speak about how to stop R.O.T.O.R. Lucky for her that it takes at least 5-7 seconds before R.O.T.O.R. can aim and pull the trigger. The ending is even more absurd as R.O.T.O.R. is defeated quite easily with the right combination of car horn and thin rope.

The dialogue is what makes this movie so much fun. There is a scene where Coldyron meets the "L.A. scientists" and the inclusion of Beach Boy references makes the whole thing sound absolutely bizarre. The cast and crew of the Dallas Tactical Operations Lab are a hodgepodge of stereotypical eighties characters, hipster janitor, dorky scientist, and his comic relief sidekick in the form of the annoying Willard the Robot. One quip has Willard asking a female secretary for "those seven digits" which begs to ask what he would do once he had them. The pacing of the story takes some interesting liberties as Coldyron gets a call from his boss and is suddenly fired yet he is still a cop? This scene is followed by an inexplicable montage of Coldyron and his girlfriend going to lunch with the synth-heavy "Hideaway" song. Did they really think that the viewer needed to see this? As bad as this all seems I found myself with a smile on my face as this ended which is the ultimate purpose of this movie, to entertain. Those of you who remember the eighties ought to give this epitome of a good/bad movie a view.

A little Terminator, some Judge Dredd, some RoboCop - throw them all together and you get ROTOR, which really means Robotic Officer of the Tactical Operations Research/Reserve Unit. Far from defunding the police, this future cop is the dream of Captain J.B. Coldyron, a scientist who runs the police robotics lab. He also manages a ranch, because, well, I have no idea how he can afford that on a police scientist salary, but here we are in the said future.

Anyways, Earl G. Buglar, Coldyron's commander in the police department, has been stealing money for the ROTOR project and now has to have something to show to corrupt senator Donald D. Douglas - who sounds like a Stan Lee character name - before election time. Seeing as how all J.B. has to show for himself is a goofball prototype and a ripoff of Johnny 5*.

That's when ROTOR gets activated and goes on the loose, killing off fiancees and stalking their women. J.B. finds the woman who made the chassis of this killing machine and together, they try to stop him. You know what his weakness is? Loud noises. So how does he fire his gun or use his car's siren?

This movie pretty much has a Mad Max ripoff poster going for it and not much else. Seriously, even for someone like me that can smile through the worst Italian cinema has to offer can find little joy within this movie, especially when one of the robotic advancements is a TOMY toy made five years before this movie.

*That robot is named Willard and was played by APD2, a robot purchased in 1986 by the police department of Addision, Texas. Other than the IMDB notice that APD2 led the Christmas parade that year, there's no mention anywhere of him on the web, a curious thing when you think that a police department had an actual robot in its employ and no one talks about it. Also, Texas is the first state to use a bomb carrying robot to kill a criminal. On July 8, 2016, that robot ended a standoff with a heavily armed suspect following the shooting of several Dallas police officers at a protest march.

A malfunctioning experimental law enforcer robot gets accidentally activated and embarks on a wild spree in which it issues severe punishments to minor offenders. It's up to rough'n'tumble good ol' boy Coldryon (woodenly portrayed by Richard Gesswein) and the impossibly butch Dr. Steele (the deliciously dreadful Jayne Smith, who sports a beautifully hideous skunk mullet) to stop ROTOR. Boy, does this hilariously horrendous honey possess all the right wrong stuff to qualify as a real four star stinkeroonie: Ham-fisted (mis)direction by Cullen Blaine, an absurd plot that's played ludicrously straight, clunky martial arts fights, an appalling Native American stereotype secondary character named Shoeboogie, a blithely preposterous script complete with unavoidable cheesy one-liners, ineptly staged action set pieces (the awkward fight between ROTOR and three rednecks is simply sidesplitting!),an irritatingly bouncy country rock soundtrack, terrible acting from a hopelessly lame no-name cast, primitive computer graphics, an annoying comic relief robot called Willard, a gloriously ridiculous conclusion, and even a surprise bummer ending. A total cruddy hoot.