Well, from the cover of this 2014 sci-fi comedy titled "Revenge of the Spacemen", I have to admit that I believed that the movie might actually have some worth and thus I opted to sit down and watch it. But then as the movie started I saw this was a Troma release, and all hopes just went straight out the window.

I don't like Troma movies, as they are even worse that the stuff The Asylum used to dish out. Sure, I get that Troma makes low budget and amateurish movies, but come on, they are bad beyond reason. And "Revenge of the Spacemen" was no different.

Now I am sure that the people involved in the making of a movie such as "Revenge of the Spacemen" were having fun, no doubt about it, but the end result is just not something that has much appeal to me. When I sit down to watch a movie and invest time in watching it, I want to be properly entertained by a proper movie, and not sit down to watch something that my neighbor could have filmed just as easily with a DV camera.

And yeah, that is exactly what "Revenge of the Spacemen" looked and felt like.

Director Jay Summers and writer Conor Duffy just didn't manage to provide me with anything even close to being entertained, so "Revenge of the Spacemen" was a movie that I just didn't enjoy and couldn't get submerged into.

The acting was dubious, as it usually is in these Troma movies. But hey, if you enjoy these kinds of movies, then you're in for a blast.

The visual effects were next to non-existing. Even the alien creatures were so low budget that it was hard to watch. I mean it was just blatantly and openly latex masks they wore, inarticulate masks at that. And some of the performers didn't even bother to stuff the edges of the masks behind the collars of their outfits, so it was painstakingly obvious that it were cheap Halloween masks. But again, if you enjoy these movies, you're in for a treat.

"Revenge of the Spacemen" is not a movie that I would recommend.

My rating of "Revenge of the Spacemen" lands on a one out of ten stars.

Revenge of the Spacemen

Psychological effect: Upon viewing this film it induced what I believed to be a psycho-tropically induced hallucinogenic experience brought on from drug experimentation that occurred in the late 1960's utilizing LSD. I knew that to be an illogically drawn conclusion when conscious of viewing of said movie ended with a NDE simulation of traveling through a long tunnel with a bright light at the end of it. Upon arriving at the light, Abe Vigoda was awaiting me with three large jalapeño New York deep dish pizzas and Farah Fawcet, in a bathing suit, pouring a generous 32 oz. glass of fluid from a one liter bottle of Mountain Dew Code Red. I innately knew this was a hallucination, I loathe Mountain Dew.

Physiological effect: A suture is a type of fibrous joint which only occurs in the skull or cranium. They are bound together by Sharpy's Fibres. A tiny amount of movement is permitted at sutures, which contributes to the compliance and elasticity of the skull. I realized at some point my facial countenance was of such an extreme muscular contractive nature, one of the sutures separated and cranial fluid proceeded to spill from my sinuses. That was extra money in my pocket since coincidentally my neighbor collects cranial fluid. This occurred one other time in my life when I was dropped head first as a new born onto the floor by the janitor that delivered me in a boiler room at Cleveland Stadium. I was utilized as the football for 1 and ½ quarters. I have phobia of anyone dressed in football paraphernalia and the French.

Action taken: Immediately I was delusional and believed myself to be a Catholic Cardinal just because I love the robes. An extensive internet search entailed and I found an e-mail address claiming to belong to the pope upon a site which graphically portrayed how to sexually satisfy your dwarf pony. I was dubious. I sent off an e- mail and within 5 hours I received the following reply:

Dear Lee,

To verify your claims of said movie, I obtained a copy of it and viewed it. Fortuitously I was wearing one of my tight fitting mitres or my sutures would have exploded.

I cannot make an argument to re-instate the inquisition nor clean up and modernize the torture chambers located under the Vatican, though this movie could make quite a debate. Anyone that has worked upon this film in any capacity has personally affronted God and man and will be spiritually punished.

Winning numbers are 2, 14, 23, 45, 47 and 49.

Live long and prosper, The Popester : )

Best scene in movie: In the background of one scene shot in a parking lot, we see a woman casually get into her car and start it and drive out of said parking lot to travel to grocery shop at the nearby Safeway.

Trivia: The off the shelf masks all the spacemen wear are from the 1957 movie "Invasion of the Saucer Men". This movie was re-made in 1965 by Larry Buchanan as "Attack of the the Eye Creatures" That is exactly how the opening title screen was created. It is a line by line re-make with different monsters inserted. The MST3K version is very enjoyable. Watched on its own and one will experience bleeding of the ocular system and the need to utilize a crow bar if one ever wants to utilize their rectum in the future.

Outrage: Near the end of the movie, the cast was advised to do anything they wanted in front of the camera. At that point, the music to a Benny Hill chase scenes was used in the sound track. The British believe Benny Hill a comic genius but the French believe Jerry Lewis a comic genius. Proof positive there is NO critical thinking capabilities among Homo Sapiens.

Cameo: In one scene a doctor attempt to extricate an object from a man's rectum behind a white curtain with lights set to clearly display their silhouettes. The man on the table, on his hands and knees displays clearly the silhouette of Alfred Hitchcock.

Within the context of this movie it was never made clear why the spacemen wanted revenge upon mankind especially since it entailed inducing violent flatulent gas after inserting various objects up human rectums.