The budget for "Satan's Children" must have been about $72.99-- certainly no more. This is because the acting, direction and script are all bargain basement and nothing speaks of quality about the movie...nothing. Because of this, the only folks who might find it of interest are bad movie buffs--and that's what I am. While I don't want a steady stream of terrible films, every so often it's fun to watch an ultra-crappy movie just for a laugh.

The film stars a young man who is about as charismatic as a block of Velveta. When he argues with his stupid step-dad, he runs off--into the arms of some gay rapists! Then, he's rescued by a coven of Satan worshipers. You know, things keep going from bad to worse with this guy! How can it get worse? He will then be forced to watch a lot of amazingly bad actors (such as "Simon") and that seems like a fate worse than death!

I don't know who the audience was for this pile of crap, but according to IMDb it was made mostly by University of South Florida students in Tampa--the movie capital of the world. Why they made it, I have no idea. I hope it wasn't for a film class, as the film makes it seem like they learned absolutely nothing! It just doesn't get much worse than this!

If you in a mood to torment yourself, you can find this turkey on YouTube. Don't say I didn't warn you!!

Runaway teen Bobby Douglas (Stephen White, Gas-s-s-s) is given shelter by a cult of Satanists, but both his presence and questionable sexuality leads to conflicts within the group.

To be fair before we begin - The Church of Satan statement on homosexuality is that they "fully accept all forms of human sexual expression between consenting adults. The Church of Satan has always accepted gay, lesbian, bisexual and asexual members since its beginning in 1966. This is addressed in the chapter "Satanic Sex" in The Satanic Bible by Anton Szandor LaVey."

Made by filmmakers from the gutters of Tampa on short ends as AGFA tells it - Joe Wiezycki also made the movie Willy's Gone - Satan's Children was made with students from the University of South Florida drama department.

Bobby escapes his father's insults and his stepsister's sexual suggestions - you thought incest only happened like this via Pornhub - to unknowingly end up at a gay bar. All the horror stories from Cruising are true - he's soon having a train run on him in the grimy backseat of a car against his will. Yep, they drive all around while yelling things as they roger him, then leave him face down and ass up in a field.

So what would you do? Well, if you're Bobby, you'd join a Satanic coven and get your revenge. After all, Florida may be the home of Disney resorts, but it's also the birthplace of bands like Nasty Savage, Marilyn Mansion, the Genitorturers, Deicide and, well, Creed.

Everybody in this movie is too sweaty, too pale and too frightening to behold. This is all you need to know of Florida to beware of its darkness. The gay bars even look like a diner and not any place that I'd imagine them to appear like. Every scenario here is concrete block and wood-paneled, covered in years of filth, dust and scum.

The first time I saw legit non-Playboy VHS porn was a movie that later research would tell me was 1984's I Like to Watch with Lisa De Leeuw, Mike Horner, Herschel Savage and Bridgette Monet. It was upsetting. The people looked too strange, too slovenly, too unsexy - exactly the opposite that I thought porn would be.

This movie brought back that queasy feeling, which kind of made me nostalgically happy for films that can still upset me. It's wonderful to know that that can still happen.

Bobby is an everyday male adolescent who's constantly bossed around by his dominant father and sexually harassed by his manipulative stepsister Janis. He runs away from home and drifts off into the big city night life. However, it quickly becomes clear the outside world isn't a much better place to hang around actually, as he successively encounters an elderly pervert in a bar and a bunch of redneck rapists. Bobby eventually ends up with the worst possible circle of friends imaginable: a satanic coven! Although, friends … It seems like Bobby isn't welcome anywhere, not even among devil worshipers. "Satan's Children" is a crazed 70's film stuffed with bizarre and uncomfortable sexual vibes. There are hints of incest, pedophilia and a whole lot of innuendo towards homosexuality and rape. This could be quite the controversial and disturbing masterpiece of exploitation; if it wasn't for the fact the film is so poorly elaborated and pitiable. "Satan's Children" is another one of those out-and-out demented devil-worshiping movies cashing in on the real life-case of Charles Manson and all his followers. You know this type of flicks! Long-haired teenage hippie scum talking to goat head statues and tying down scarcely dressed girls to alters with the intention to sacrifice their virgin blood to Our Lord Satan. This movie never manages to build up an even remotely sinister atmosphere, but it does contain a handful of shocking and downright offensive images; like when a disobedient girl is buried up till her neck in sand before covering her face with a gooey syrup that attack ants. Since there obviously was too little budget to put craftsmanship into the sequences of virginal sacrifices and occult ceremonies, the makers admirably attempted to hold on to the viewers' attention by continuously adding new sub plots, like rivalry and competition within the sect. I just wished the script would follow the idea of its own title and have the cult exist of actual children instead of late teens or punks in their early twenties. Now that would have made the film truly original and special without even requiring the sexual innuendo. Still, any movie that has its teenage protagonist running around for at least three quarters of the play time dressed only in tidy white underpants is maybe awkward enough already. And just when you think the film tends to get a little boring and/or start to wonder where all of it is going, there are a couple of deranged but exciting plot twists and a marvelously twisted climax.