The Almost Perfect Bank Robbery is one of those just below middlin' productions that are the hallmark of cable TV. You know the ones I mean. They've all got a somewhat known actor in one of the main roles, are often based at least loosely on a true event and all too frequently suck you in by never being bad enough to make changing channels seem worthwhile. In this one, Brooke Shields gives just a good enough performance to keep hanging on through the sub-mediocre rest of the movie. Every once in a great while, this kind of film can reward you by doing something interesting in the second half or pulling off a snappy ending. That doesn't happen here.

Cyndee Lafrance and Frank Syler (Brooke Shields and Dylan Walsh) are no-longer-young lovers in Woodville, Texas. She's the sort of Southern belle who's been in training her whole life to be a kept woman and he's the poor working shmuck who's convinced himself he has to keep her. To satisfy their desires to keep and be kept, they hatch a plan to rob the bank where Cyndee works and then sneak the money out of the country to the Cayman Islands. Cyndee and Frank are the sort of criminal masterminds that think they can buy a big house in the suburbs with their ill gotten gains, never considering how they're going to explain their new found wealth to their friends, neighbors or the IRS. So, it's no surprise that shortly after the bank robbery, an FBI agent named Royce (Rip Torn) zeroes in on Cyndee and Frank as suspects.

The crime is about as complicated as a game of Tic Tac Toe and the investigation is about as involved as playing hide and go seek with one of those 700 pound shut in's whose fat flaps have to be washed by other people. Perhaps realizing that, these filmmakers throw in a passel of minor characters who may have been modeled on folks from the real bank robbery this movie is based on, but they all should have been eliminated. They're all poorly written, not much better performed and contribute nothing to the story that couldn't have been done in either a smarter or funnier way. While watching The Almost Perfect Bank Robbery, I couldn't help feel like I was seeing something intended for an audience that dropped out of school in the 9th grade. It's that unsubtle and direct. There's also this wildly out of place ominous music that crops up on the soundtrack whenever the film tries to generate a little tension, but it's so baldly manipulative and arbitrary that it works more like a laugh track.

But Brooke Shields gives a performance that makes you understand what the phrase "high maintenance woman" means and why some women get away with being like that. Dylan Walsh is okay. He does appear to be playing this story about 15 degrees more serious than anyone else in the cast. Rip Torn is…well, Rip Torn. His role isn't even well enough developed to make it as a punch line, so there's not much else he could be.

The Almost Perfect Bank Robbery isn't any good at all, but honestly? I've seen so many films sooooooo much worse than this, I can't help but grade it on a curve. Watching this movie didn't make me feel like I was slapped in the face with a carp or sodomized with an electric toothbrush. It didn't leave me writing around in my chair, desperate for it to be over, and it never made me want to throw something at the TV. If that's not damning something with faint praise, I don't know what is.

When I sat down to watch "The Almost Perfect Bank Robbery" here in 2021, I have to admit that I had never even heard about this movie before. I stumbled upon the movie by random luck and saw that the movie had Brooke Shields in the lead role. And with it being a movie that I hadn't already seen before and having Brooke Shields on the cast list, of course I took the time to watch it.

As it turned out then writer Adam Greenman and director David Burton Morris didn't exactly manage to churn out a particularly exciting or interesting movie here. So the movie did fall somewhat short of managing to provide me with much of any entertainment.

The storyline told in "The Almost Perfect Bank Robbery" was just a swing and a miss, and the plot just never was appealing to me. So my interest in the movie was quickly fading as the movie trotted on and on. And the bland character gallery didn't really help much to sell the movie either.

The acting in the movie was also bland, especially since the actors and actresses had nothing to work with in terms of a proper script, storyline or characters. Sure, the movie can be watched solely because of Brooke Shields is in it, but if you're watching movies for a proper entertainment aspect, then "The Almost Perfect Bank Robbery" is not a great choice.

My rating of "The Almost Perfect Bank Robbery" lands on a generous three out of ten stars.

While this clearly isn't the greatest movie ever made,it sure is a pleasant way to spend a couple of hours. Brooke Shields doesn't get the credit she deserves for her talent,and even Rip Torn does a good job here. One big reason for most people to rent or buy it in the blow-out bin (I paid $1.25) at a discount store is that there is no violence in the movie,no sex scenes,and no foul language. I don't have any kids,but I suspect the people who do and who want to pick a movie the whole family can watch and enjoy will appreciate the harmless fun in this movie. Their choices have to be pretty slim,so this one would be a good one to recommend to your friends who do have young children.