As well as every normal male (or female, for that matter) film buff, I'm a tremendous fan of the 1960 Western classic "The Magnificent Seven". I honestly don't think you can have anything against that film, and you can't even object to the idea of a remake, since the original itself is already a remake of Akira Kurasawa's landmark "Seven Samurai". So here I was looking forward to Antoine Fuqua's version, albeit with reasonably low expectations; - just a good two hours of undemanding but exciting gunslinger entertainment! What a major disappointment! "The Magnificent Seven" isn't the least bit spectacular or memorable, it's just plain boring and inferior on every possible level. Although I tried hard not to compare, it's just inescapably evident that Hollywood can't assemble a kick-ass ensemble cast anymore like they could in 1960. How on earth do you recast icons like Yul Brunner, Steven McQueen, Charles Bronson and James Coburn? With Denzel Washington? He's okay, I guess. Chris Pratt? Meh! Ethan Hawke? No way! Vincent D'Onofrio? What the hell! The painful truth is that not a single character of the 2016-version deserves to even stand in the shadows of the 1960-version protagonists. That goes for the villainous characters as well, by the way, since Peter Sarsgaard isn't exactly menacing as the supposedly merciless and megalomaniac landowner Bartholomew Bogue. Heck, his minions even must do stuff like spit chewing tobacco on the church's floor to emphasize just how evil they are. Oh, and don't even get me started on how obviously the script is politically correct. Lame!

I still hold to the belief that there's still a market for Westerns - even in this day and age - just not passable ones. And I also know that there are considerations to be made when viewing a remake. But they didn't have to call this "The Magnificent Seven", either. This is a notable cast, but isn't a patch on the original. Of these players, I found Ethan Hawke to have the most depth, while Chris Pratt (though enjoyable) an awkward fit; Denzel's just being Denzel. It's like the other four guys are also-rans.

It's a long-winded film with an awkward buildup to the big face-off; an engagement that's choreographed and cut to shreds before devolving into a series of boss battles.

There's no glossing over this letdown.

5/10

Is either adlibbing the studio's press release or wrote the studio's press release (well, OK the latter don't really think this is actually epic).

Long is not epic.

Epic is epic.

Which this boring remake is not. Since creativity and originality are dead they just keep regurgitating. Well done TIFF.