Bryan Lighthouse (Dave Annable) is a pet photographer in Chicago and Tonya (Mena Suvari) is his clingy assistant. He is taken by a Croatian mobster after an incident with his wife's cat. Bryan is forced to marry his daughter Masha Nikitin (Katharine McPhee) in a visa marriage. Brick (Vinnie Jones) is the gangster's henchman. Bryan's mother (Kathy Bates) actually tells him to marry her. The girl turns out to be nice and normal. INS agents are on the case. During their tropical honeymoon, they encounter the weird helicopter pilot Ernesto (Rob Schneider) and his cousin waitress Lani (Tia Carrere).

I have never heard of this movie. I'm surprised at the good cast. The extensive cast is not actually bad except for Schneider. By this point, he should come with a warning. Funny enough, he's probably the only true comedian of the bunch. Quite frankly, I can see this as an Adam Sandler movie with all of his gang. I have never heard of Rob Hedden. He seems to have been a Hollywood journeyman. The main issue is that non of this is actually funny. Annable and McPhee are not comedic powerhouses. At best, they're the straight men in a comedy. They need an actual comedian and Schneider is not close. Also I'm a little tired of Annable. This is not so bad that it becomes funny again. It's trying to be a fun silly comedy and it doesn't have that. On the other hand, Hawaii does look beautiful.

Brian Lighthouse (Dave Annable) photographs pets in clothes for a living. His new assistant Tonya (Mena Suvari) is sexy, playful and is in love with Brian who for some reason avoids her advances. Through some poorly scripted circumstances Brian finds himself in a position where he must marry Masha (Katharine McPhee) the daughter of a crime boss (Ken Davitian) in order for her to obtain her green card. After a year, the marriage will be annulled and she will then marry the overly jealous Vinnie Jones. Dad and Vinnie forbid consummating the relationship, even as they honeymoon in Tahiti.

Brian's under utilized mom (Kathy Bates) offers little in the way of helpful advice as she is a stay at home mom. The poorly conceived plot drags along and then at about 45 minutes into the film, we get the twist and the movie becomes a watchable comedy, formula and all. This will work as a date night film and perhaps a teen family night. Mena "Kitten" Suvari steals all the scenes. Her part was written better than Katharine McPhee.

Parental Guide: No f-bombs, sex, or nudity. Some sexual double entendre.

This movie is very predictable and is so from early on. Versions of it have been done plenty of times before. Here is a quick summary: Photographer almost kills cat of Mafia boss's wife. Croatian mafia boss (more on that later) gives man choice to die or marry daughter (who speaks perfect English) to get her a green card. Man agrees to marriage. Woman kidnapped during honeymoon. Man saves woman. They fall in love with each other. The End.

Now to the Croatian aspect of the movie. As a Croatian, I didn't have a problem with a mafia boss being from Croatia as their are bad people in all countries but at least the filmmakers could have made a real effort. The names were all wrong, the accents were all wrong, the music was all wrong, Croatians don't make borscht and the coffee is actually very good. Half of Europe could tell you the above.

If you think of calling your mom first after a legitimate death threat is something you would do and she would suggest you get married because she wants grandchildren would be her answer, then this is the movie for you. It was not for me.