This is the first review I have ever written, but after seeing this movie, I felt compelled to warn others. I wept blood. I actually feel like less of a person having seen it. I feel as though my soul has been torn from my flabby, white frame.

A friend and I, after a night of studying, were searching for something trashy. "It doesn't really matter what we pick," I said. I was wrong. Even by the incredibly modest standards of the recently post-pubescent, this movie fails to please. The plot and pacing is obtuse. It's contempt for its viewer and general incoherence fatigues the brain such that it forces the mind into retaliatory activity.

Racism, poor acting, and halfhearted slapstick test the limits of human comprehension. Each scene limps into the next, taunting you with yet less palatable dogshit. As my brain cells began to jump ship, I began to feel at first angry, and then deeply, deeply sad. Unable to conquer my pride, I sunk deeper into the chasm of my despair. When the credits rolled, I was so entirely demoralized that I had tears in my eyes. My faith in humanity has endured a blow it may never fully recover from. So as to commemorate the emotional and intellectual holocaust I experienced, I took a photo of myself, capturing a haunted, broken man I do not recognize.