I have to believe I'm not the only person who was prompted to see "The Room" in preparation for James Franco's well-received "The Disaster Artist," the story of the cult classic's creation.

Called the worst movie ever made by many, what I think people mean is that "The Room" is one of the most entertaining bad movies ever made. It's certainly not the worst; just try watching a movie like, say, "ThanksKilling" for an example of a movie so bad that it's unwatchable. No, "The Room" belongs to the same category as something like "Battlefield Earth," films so earnestly made yet so poorly executed that they become more entertaining than they would have been had the filmmakers been able to make a legitimately good movie.

One can't really provide a description of "The Room" that will come anywhere close to approximating the experience of watching it. Tommy Wiseau, the film's legendary and strange creator, plays Johnny, who's been dating Lisa for something like six or seven years and who he refers to throughout the entire movie as "my future wife." The problem is that Lisa hates Tommy and doesn't want to marry him, despite bonking him repeatedly. It never seems to occur to Lisa that she could just tell Johnny she doesn't love him anymore, so she instead complains to everyone who will listen to her how bored she is by him and even makes up stories about him getting drunk and beating her. No one seems especially bothered by this prospect, perhaps because Lisa is such an unpleasant person that we don't understand why Johnny wants her in the first place. O.k. maybe it's not so far fetched, since Johnny isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, and his prospects for female companionship that he doesn't have to pay for are probably limited. He clearly is drawn to Lisa's formidable intelligence, because he thinks her suggestion that they invite a bunch of friends to a birthday party she plans to throw for him (despite hating him) is "a great idea," which I guess is if the alternative idea is to invite a bunch of random strangers. And Johnny isn't alone; at said birthday party, she suggest that they should all eat some cake, and the party goers act like that's an idea no one's ever had at a birthday party before.

Complicating matters is Johnny's best friend Mark, who gives a brilliant discourse on gender politics in which he categorizes all women as stupid or evil. Given the women in this movie, he may be on to something. Lisa has the hots for Mark, and they pick the least comfortable spot in the apartment (the bend of a spiral staircase) on which to consummate their passion (though I'm not sure if anything was actually consummated since Mark appears to be humping Lisa's knees). Mark seems like a bit of dim bulb himself, since every time thereafter that Lisa initiates sex his first question is "What are you doing?"

The most mysterious character in the movie is Denny, an orphaned kid who lives God knows where but who pops in all. the. time. and who we're told thinks of Johnny as a father figure, though, given the fact that the first scene with Denny finds him wanting to watch Johnny and Lisa have sex, he might have wanted to shop around a bit more. Denny is always carrying either a basketball or a football and acts like he's twelve despite the fact that the actor playing him is about twenty-five. Once in a while, some combination of guys will actually play ball with him, which involves standing about three feet from each other and gently tossing the ball around like it's an explosive device. After some ball tossing on the roof of Johnny's apartment building, and then some more ball tossing in a cramped alley, I started to wonder whether or not San Francisco had any parks these guys could go to, and then later in the film when they actually go to a park, I wondered why they didn't go to one sooner.

My favorite character is Lisa's mom, who walks into every situation and expresses disbelief that she's surrounded by dipsh*ts, a sentiment I shared. Nothing phases this woman, not breast cancer, not drug dealers, not random people using her daughter's apartment for a booty call. Whatever's going on, she's just so over it.

And another supporting character is Johnny's psychologist friend, who looks like the bald Nazi from "Raiders of the Lost Ark" and lurks in the background, lit by the camera man like a serial killer.

Every scene in "The Room" feels like the intro to porn sex, no matter what combination of people are present. There are actually a couple of soft core scenes, both featuring Johnny and Lisa, though it actually only counts as one scene since the second one uses the EXACT SAME FOOTAGE as the first. Needless to say, they're not very erotic unless you find weirdly veiny men of an indeterminate age erotic, or are turned on by the sight of rose petals mashed into a woman's back like giant ticks.

I don't know why "The Room" is called "The Room." There is a room in the movie, in which almost all of the action that doesn't occur on the roof takes place. The set decorator clearly thought that Johnny and Lisa are the kind of people who decorate their apartment with giant candles and bowls of fruit, which comes in handy when Denny needs to eat an apple as a way of managing the sexual frustration that occurs when Johnny and Lisa aren't up for a menage a trois.

Maybe he should have played some football in the alley instead. Hah- hah! Hah-hah!

Grade: F (for not having even a minimum understanding of the art of narrative filmmaking)

Grade: A+ (for entertainment value)

Tommy Wiseau...who is this guy? The IMDb biography is pretty scant and his vaguely Eastern European accent is not at all explained. What also isn't explained is how he was able to somehow get $6,000,000 to make this film--as well as HOW it could cost that much to make this movie. After all, none of the actors are professionals (and it shows),the sets look like they are the homes of Wiseau or his friends and Wiseau himself wrote/directed/starred in the film. So where did all the money go?! Perhaps some could have been spent on TVs (see the end to know what I mean). I think most young filmmakers could do just as well with $47 and a HandyCam and chimp actors!

"The Room" seems to have nothing to do with a room. Instead, it's like a soft-core porno film where the camera gets blocked anytime you are about to see most of the nudity. I counted something like 6 sex cenes--3 of which were in the first 25 minutes!! So is the film therefore sexy--God no!! I will be nice and not make any more comments about this--you just have to see the writhing bodies to know what I mean. After all, I'm a middle-aged chubby guy and so I don't have much room to talk. But wait, I am NOT starring in a film...so yes, I can say that they were kind of scary looking--particularly Wiseau. So, if there was an award for least sexy film, this one might win....unless Ernest Borgnine made a porno.

So why has this film become a cult favorite? It's the dialog....and the acting to a lesser extent. It's as if much of the dialog were written by someone with only a limited knowledge of the English language. So often the same catch phrases are repeated again and again. And often what characters say seems very, very random. And, to make it worse, the post-production dubbing is hilariously out of sync at times. Honestly, the dialog in "Plan 9" is no worse--especially since Wood was not trying to make a serious film--whereas "The Room" is deadly serious.

Is it ONLY the dialog and acting? Well, no. The writing is god-awful--inconsistent, with missing plot lines AND the inexplicable need for all the men to suddenly break into a game of tossing the football--even though they are only 3-5 feet apart and even when they are in tuxedos! I can clearly understand why at L.A. showings of the film, crowd members reportedly bring footballs and toss them about during the film! And, the musical dubbing is occasionally terrible. And, the plot is dull. And, there's the problem with Wiseau's character being the greatest yutz in film history--knowing that his girlfriend is cheating on him near the beginning of the film yet continuing to stay with her AND doing the funniest temper-tantrum scene in film history late in the movie (he should have yelled "Hulk SMASH!!!").

By the way, the film says the couple in the film have been together five years and then later in the film it says seven. Either way, considering the age of Wiseau's co-star, she would have been between 11 and 13 when they first became a couple.

Also, on the DVD there is an interview with Wiseau. You must see this--the dubbing was hilarious even for this 'making of' mini-films! Plus it tries to explain the repeated use of footballs in his film! And, he wears a nice suit.

In conclusion, I must quote the film. "Why, Johnny,...why?!?..."

I have seen a lot of bad movies, some have novelty value, some are guilty pleasures and some are downright atrocious. As inept and as appalling as The Room is, for me it belongs in the unintentionally funny/complete train wreck category. The film in my opinion is quite badly made. The settings are dull in the lighting and feel very limited and overly-compact, while the cinematography and editing are some of the worst I've seen in a while. The music feels jumpy and doesn't fit with some scenes, while apart from one classic "I feel like I'm sitting on an atomic bomb waiting for it to go off" the dialogue is inane and painfully cheesy, the story is thinner than a sewing thread, the direction is one of the most inept directing jobs I've encountered in recent years and the film in its pace is painfully slow in many spots. The acting is also atrocious from everybody involved. Tommy Wiseau is a big reason why The Room is so bad, he shows little talent for writing or directing, while his acting fares even worse as I can't remember a single moment where he didn't make me cringe. All in all, a truly inept film, might have some novelty value, but even that can't hide how appalling The Room is. 1/10 Bethany Cox